my wonderful dreams are up in smoke. gone! vanished! disappeared! mei you liao! alle! i can speak three languages. let's hope people are not naive enough to think that. wad dreams? dreams of slacking during the holidays. i was painstakingly counting down to the march hols. but guess what? haha! there's only 2 more days left. i need more time. i need the time to stone. to relax at home. to go out shopping. i spent my time at camp. practicing piano. going for class hour and playing the piano in front of people. i need my personal time. i'm gradually becoming hysterical.

homework! piling up! *cannot breathe cannot breathe* plus, me being the fickle minded person i am, finally decided to go to the SJI campfire on saturday. one more day less to cram all the stuff in.

je suis convaincu. folie! folie! *i mean, that's the only reason i'm speaking french* yes, while i did say i do not know that beautiful language, i do possess SOME knowledge. but let's not talk about the pronoucing it since my accent sucks. whatever. i try not to let people know i know anything.

it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. i wonder who said that? that person must obviously have been insane. i wonder if it's because i don't feel like taking chances. okay, so maybe i'm contradicting myself. i do want to take the chance. but maybe the chance doesn't want to give me a shot. makes sense? after all, most things in life works both ways. and unfortunately, we cant have our cake and eat it too. we always want the feeling of being safe and secure, but if we don't take the risk, we'll never know. it's certainly been a long time since i remembered. sigh, if only i had chosen to forget. but that's life. we always seem to chose the particular thing that almost always never works out fine.

i wonder what's in the water to make me say stuff like this. must be the excessive piano playing.

but seriously. i wonder. what brought on all those kinda cynical remarks about love? is it because i'm lacking the feeling of being loved? *snorts* what? isnt love more than just liking how the person looks? it's liking the person inside as well as outside. after all, as my friend put it so well, (stupid guy, i wonder if i even believe him), looks fade but inner beauty endures forever, or something crappified like that. i laughed then. because i simply didn't believe that. but perhaps it's time to start being more accepting. i'm not putting anyone down, but it's just an opinion that looks matter more. sometimes it's the ONLY thing that matter. to some. who eventually realise their folly. *go to confession all ye who have thought like that!* isn't intelligent conversation better? heaven knows i need some desperately now. intelligent conversation i mean.

because no matter how many times i am disappointed, i always (like an idiot) ask for more disappointments.